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Even then, I was all about maximizing time. He let me off with a warning. I remember parking being insanely expensive. I looked up and could see the freeway I was supposed to be on but no way to get there.

When we finally made it to the venue, System of a Down and Powerman were first to play. We were most excited for Korn and Kid Rock. As it got closer and closer to the headliner, the floor of Candlestick park got more and more packed.

He then proceeded to spend the first several songs rubbing his hard dick up and down the backside of me. I was a child. This is why I was angry this morning.

I know if my parents had caught me doing that same behavior with a guy my age, I would have gotten my ass chewed. My friend squeezed through people and switched places with me after I told her what was happening.

When he did it to her, she elbowed him and we left probably a quarter of the way into their set. That was my first Metallica show.

At one of my first radio shows, only a few years later, a drunk listener grabbed both of my boobs while I worked backstage to help with his VIP experience.

I stood in shock at his brazenness, embarrassed and not wanting to cause a scene at a work event. No one noticed. Or if they did, no one said anything.

I took the kids to the movies the other day. Due to construction, we had to walk through an alley but fortunately, it was still daylight. I used the opportunity to talk to both kids about safety, speaking more so to my daughter than my son.

She has really long legs and clothes she likes wearing tend to be a little short. How do I explain to her about rapists when she barely knows the basics of what sex is?

Sit with that disgusting feeling. Because THIS is our reality as females. It may not always be crippling, but it certainly feels heavy.

And you know what? The picture included in this post is attributed to the account below. Just the other day in a conversation with one of my sisters, she shared how a construction worker, working on a church she was walking past, harassed her in a way I could hardly fathom.

If I was there I think if any brother, father, son, or husband was there it would have been a different situation. Stop letting other men spew out mysoginistic bullshit.

Stand up to it. We as men need to stop being so agreeable to abusers, so quick to absolve, and justify. All the more reason for you to get involved.

Oh my goodness I am thankful for this post. All last week on social media I saw women whom were letting their political agenda run them posting hurtful things.

I am completely irritated by the way society handles sexual abuse, assault, and rape. Thank you for sharing those deep things.

Being explicit is necessary to convey the point. If she did in fact feel trapped and powerless, by all means, that changes everything.

But at this point I am not at all sure she did. Dear Wendy January 4, , pm. But why? Northern Star January 4, , pm. Skyblossom January 4, , pm.

All she chose to say was that the neighbor said she was hot. She chose what she wanted to say and it was that the neighbor said she was hot.

She did nothing to indicate that she was uncomfortable. Not when it happened and not later. Moneypenny January 4, , pm.

I had the same thought as well. It seems odd to me that she did nothing- not move his hand off or push him away. Lianne January 4, , pm. I agree.

I think the husband is warrented in his reaction. I think, however, he needs to have a frank and open discussion with his wife about the situation, and if she is in fact welcoming it, discuss the why.

We would tell her that she should talk to her husband about the situation and examine if there is a reason he is looking for that type of validation outside of the marriage.

Or maybe it was something in between. Did you ask her she felt about it? I immediately tell my husband about it. She just shared that the neighbor says she is hot.

Kali January 4, , am. If you read my response, I did say that maybe she liked the attention. Or maybe she was completely skeeved, or maybe it was somewhere in between.

Bossy Italian Wife January 4, , am. Tell her that you no longer feel comfortable with the neighbor, so much so that you feel the need to talk with him about this behavior.

Tell him you have to think about socializing with him in the future. This will give your wife an opportunity to know that your concern is two fold: her physical space and integrity and the marriage.

It can also give her a chance to say how she feels… if it made her uncomfortable, etc. SweetT January 4, , am. Something similar happened to me while I was with my husband.

We were out at a high end bar by a lake near our house with out of state friends. The nice drunk kind saying come out on my boat this summer.

It will be fun. During that time, the old man grazes my butt. I thought for sure it was an accident but nope, he did it twice.

Anyone who would have seen it happen would have seen no reaction from me. I told my husband later but I thought twice about it.

He was upset and wanted to go find the old man. He was upset that another man put his hands on me without my consent and disrespected our marriage and me, as a person.

Not once did he say anything about HIS feelings or not being sure he could trust me because of what another man did. Bittergaymark January 4, , pm.

Fyodor January 4, , pm. Juliecatharine January 4, , pm. She literally just said what he said to her. That was, at least to me, where the concern came in….

Anonymous January 4, , pm. LW1: I think she liked the attention. They say it was related to drinks, and it happens at such parties.

But if I were the LW, I would have a talk with the neighbor, tell him I saw this inappropriate gesture and warn him to stay away and respect my wife and my marriage.

You can handle such a conversation, without getting too angry, just in order to set clear boundaries. You can also ask your wife about her feelings, how she would like him to react if such a case reoccurs.

Hannanas January 4, , pm. Or at least shown to him — he should be able to read her by now, right? MMR January 4, , pm. But the night it happened, he just… stopped paying attention?

And his description of her response when he brought this up was even more vague and gave no indication of what she was feeling.

Was she upset? Was she talking about it conversationally? Was she being evasive or vague herself? Maybe she was horrified and embarrassed and just wants to forget it?

Maybe she was horrified but wants to use this incident to make her husband pay attention to her? Maybe she shrugged about it. There are a lot of maybes.

Considering the fact that women are more apt to talk about their feelings than anything else wink! Sarah January 4, , pm.

My take was more along the lines of worrying about the wife enjoying that a little too much. To me, harmless flirtation does not involve any touching.

That being said, Wendy brought up some good points. Sky January 4, , pm. I think a normal reaction would be to confront the situation right then and there.

LW1: I think there are two scenarios. Instead of sitting around and trying to figure out how she feels or wonder how long it went on, why not ask her?

How long did he do that? How are you feeling about it? Are you OK? This question comes from curiosity. How many women on here would need their husband to specifically ask how she felt about the situation before she would tell him?

In the second year of our marriage we were at a party and I was sitting with a group of people and as I turned to my left to talk to someone the guy sitting there on my left kissed me on the lips.

I froze a touch and then pulled my head back. On the way home I told my husband about it which included exactly how I felt about his friend and how disgusted I was and that I thought he needed better friends.

There was no doubt about how I felt. Am I unusual in speaking that way? I assume that all of my friends would speak up and include what they felt as part of telling what happened.

So, is it a little odd? Skyblossom January 5, , am. Kate January 6, , pm. Not every woman is going to stand there freaking out and frozen.

Not every woman is going to cry to her husband about how violated she was. Skyblossom January 6, , pm. Kate January 4, , pm. It was a party with probably a bunch of drunk middle-aged suburban people.

This kind of thing is not too uncommon, and she may not have been all that fazed by it. And it would totally depend on who it was, and the circumstances.

At most she maybe was flattered. I think part of that must be regional. If someone acted that way I think they would be totally ostracized.

The one incident I mention was in a college crowd in a different region of the country. The guy who did it was from New York.

Maybe that is an east coast thing? Kate January 5, , am. There are couples who swing. There are individuals who get drunk and grope people and try to make out with them.

She showed her breasts to my husband at a Halloween party. I can totally see a middle-aged woman getting her butt squeezed by an old friend at a party and not being too bothered about it.

She attack-kisses people too. Her husband is fine with it. Everyone keeps their hands to themselves.

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This kind of thing is not too uncommon, and she may not have been all that fazed by it. And it would totally depend on who it was, and the circumstances.

At most she maybe was flattered. I think part of that must be regional. If someone acted that way I think they would be totally ostracized.

The one incident I mention was in a college crowd in a different region of the country. The guy who did it was from New York.

Maybe that is an east coast thing? Kate January 5, , am. There are couples who swing. There are individuals who get drunk and grope people and try to make out with them.

She showed her breasts to my husband at a Halloween party. I can totally see a middle-aged woman getting her butt squeezed by an old friend at a party and not being too bothered about it.

She attack-kisses people too. Her husband is fine with it. Everyone keeps their hands to themselves. I have no doubt you would be ostracized for crossing that line and getting drunk is no excuse here.

I think we are a zero tolerance community. I think that probably reflects how we each see the situation. I work in a public place and even our patrons have strict rules.

One man kept making sexually suggestive double entendre jokes and our manager kicked him out for several months.

A young man was coming in following our younger staff around trying to talk to them and get dates and he was kicked out permanently. We are no nonsense around here.

I can see how this kind of thing would not be common in those circles. My parents are pretty religious and hang out with a lot of people who are too, and I doubt this casual grab-ass stuff goes on at all with those folks.

Skyblossom January 6, , am. We live in a conservative, religious area. Many of the people belong to more mainstream religions but we also have quite a number of small, evangelical churches.

Almost everyone that I work with who is my age attends church. Those in their 30s not so much and those in their 20s not at all.

In many ways I find it sad if women have gotten so used to men groping that they just ignore it. It is such a blatant disregard for personal space and personal boundaries.

It is all about doing what you want in the moment with no concern for the other. He would be the one considered to be making a scene here so maybe it is a different outlook.

I do think that each of us sees this through the rules of where we live. This husband needs to ask himself what is the norm where he lives.

I think one of the issues here is that folks are taking what they have seen firsthand regionally or in their own social group and extrapolating that.

Particularly when it comes to the subject of people touching other people in a sexually inappropriate way. Even if a community is a safe place to speak up, not everyone knows that or feels that.

My main thing here is the LW gave very little information. The way I would handle a situation or how I think my friends would react has no bearing on how any other random person out there would handle it or how their friends would react.

I could not talk about the experience of a surprise butt-grab, to anyone, without including some kind of info about how I felt about it.

I think folks just communicate differently. My friend was seeing a guy and he ghosted her. Stop worrying about how you are going to re-act when you see them again the time for that is over.

JWS November 9, , pm. If I had seen my wife groped, I would have gotten closer to see if it continued and she allowed it or if it was a short grope.

If quick and done, she may have not want to make a scene. If very long and she did not remove herself, then it may have been welcomed.

Unfortunately, by turning away, that remains unanswered. However, respect for your wife and your marriage is a time for action. I would go to the neighbors house and have a conversation about what happened, saying you already talked with his wife, and you wanted to hear his side of the story.

I would ask why he felt free to do what he did, how often this occurred and what else was going on fishing a bit. He mat divulge that there is more going on than meets the eye or just that he loses some inhibitions when he drinks.

It would be interesting to see if he apologizes or takes it as no big deal. If he feels it is no big deal, I would then state again about staying away from his wife or he will immediately make it a major issue the next time.

Then I would have a conversation with the wife to see if things match up….. It also seems clear that the couple has difficulty communicating to the level they should and that she may need a bit more attention and affirmation of his feelings for her and the fact that in his eyes, she is the most beautiful woman in the world.

In my opinion, she was wrong to not move away immediately after she was touched and to not reflect resentment that the neighbor did that to her as well as why her husband had not interceded if he saw it happen.

Likewise, his just walking away with just a late and unsubstantial conversation with his wife especially when she is hinting she would like some affirmation of feelings is wrong on his part.

Time to man up. Talk to your wife. Make her feel valued and beautiful in your eyes and that you will not tolerate anybody disrespecting her.

The neighbor needs to hear the same with clear boundaries set. By: Dear Wendy January 4, Columns 56 comments. Recently I discovered that my girlfriend cheated on me.

We have two kids together, one of whom is my stepchild. I asked her during that time if she was seeing anyone and she told me no.

He messaged me saying how he loved her and how she cut him off. Wrong Sometimes. I think she liked it. She found it flattering. She would like to rub it in.

Thanks for sharing this. Thank you for sharing this. Blasey Ford and others have been discussing recently, but these behaviors have still affected me like they have affected most women, in some way.

I remember walking into the campus at Central East once, must have been sophomore or junior year, when they were still building the pool.

I stopped to drink from my bottle of soda and a construction worker whistled and catcalled me. It was so obvious I was a student; I was wearing a backpack.

The thought of it now feels so gross. That was only one instance of many, but it stood out to me after reading your story. Legs are not sex organs or secondary sex characteristics and 2.

I appreciate you bringing that to my attention because your point is extremely valid and my honest overlooking of it just shows how pervasive it all is.

This was everything I was feeling about social media this past week. I then proceeded to tell him about the two times I was sexually harassed verbally only within the last six months.

One time being a week prior to our discussion. It was from an administrator who I respect and I almost dismissed the first time as it being a joke but then it happened again.

Its hard to know when its okay to speak up…when you will even be believed…when you wont be afraid to lose your job if you do.

Ford but joking about sexual abuse is just despicable. Good stuff as always Skippy. Uncomfortable yet? One more. This shit happens ALL.

Just ask the females in your life. Be better. Thank you for this Skippy. So much. Sending this to all my dude friends. Stacy W.

Later in the evening just as we decided the night was over and we were going to leave, he approached us and as my wife and I were sitting together and he leaned on the armrest I was using, pushing against my shoulder uncomfortably.

In this way he assumed a dominant position and he directed his attentions to my wife in conversation. The conversation included me, but it was entirely directed at her.

I wanted nothing to do with him, nor he me. Eventually conversation included potential to have our children play with each other.

Mind you our children live in different cities and paths would be highly unlikely to cross, although my wife and this guy travel between the cities.

I didn't want to be rude and let nearly minutes of banter continue before I left them to go get our coats. When I returned I was relieved to find that the topic had not changed and neither had their seating positions.

The man's wife was now sitting across from my wife. She was pleasant and was introduced to me. My wife's hat was on, then off, then phones were out, numbers exchanged as I left the room to find the hosts to say good bye.

The number exchange had my eyes tearing up just about. The play-date was a pretext. On our way home I mentioned to my wife that I did not think that this guy's attention was healthy and that it troubled me that they exchanged numbers.

She felt the same way but when the play-date idea was thrown out there, and considering that he's married and has a child the situation must be harmless.

Later on, as the topic came up again I mentioned that the play-date idea felt like a pretext, and my wife agreed. I said that it was a pretext.

She agreed to this too. And when I asked her what it was a pretext for she said probably for this guy to practice is game more. This made me feel like her entire initial argument was just an attempt to throw garbage at me to assuage my concerns.

My wife liked the attention. He was a good conversationalist. I understand that flattery is valuable.

My wife understood that I was very upset and she asked for my forgiveness and felt that she had done the wrong thing given the attention.

I forgive her. But really only because she asked me to. Had I not been so hurt by this I don't think she would have thought twice about it.

Had I not pointed out that the play-date was a pretext, I don't think she would have openly admitted that she felt the same way.

I really think that she would have run with this connection and talked to this guy. So fine.

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